In a bizarre turn of events, mysterious teleportation portals have begun appearing across Michigan, igniting widespread concern among residents. The infamous "Golden Butthole" sculpture in Sterling Heights, once considered a quirky local landmark, has now been identified as one such portal, allegedly constructed from a material not of this Earth. The latest addition, a massive "PORTAL" structure in downtown Muskegon, has only deepened fears, with some believing these gateways are conduits for dark energy to infiltrate our timeline. In recent weeks, top scientists, religious scholars, and government officials have all been spotted around these sculptures, fueling speculation about the true nature and potential dangers of these mysterious structures. As rumors swirl about the portals' origins, residents across Michigan are expressing their frustrations, with many agreeing that one Golden Butthole was more than enough.